Breathe deep and picture the audience naked

Breathe deep and picture the audience naked

Written by Stan Burt

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His consonants are incontinent
His vowels are volatile
His nouns are nauseating
His verbs ain’t versatile

This bumbling mumbling stumbling fool
This stuttering muttering spluttering drool

His diction ain’t of distinction
His ellipsis has eclipsed us
His elocution needs execution
His hedges need a a a a

trimming

This bumbling mumbling stumbling fool
This stuttering, muttering, spluttering drool

His shaking his way through Shakespeare
He certainly ain’t no olivier
More pig than Pygmalion
This phonetic sounding alien

This bumbling mumbling stumbling fool
This stuttering, muttering, spluttering drool

His parlance ain’t no verbal dance
His dip thongs are just plainly pants
His phrasing ain’t amazing
His vernacular ain’t spectacular

This bumbling mumbling stumbling fool
This stuttering, muttering, spluttering drool


Though he’s stuffed his cheeks full with pebbles
Still he comes out with this verbal gerbal
But insult him again go on I dare you
Cos he’ll kick you hard
Right in the proverbial